If I were to choose

Once, I sent a venusian teleporter through the global grid-matrix. That didn’t turn out so well, since the reult was a bionucleotic breakdown of the primordial soup. Even though the results were disastrous, the laughing was what really broke down galactic affairs: Venus declared war on Mars, since that is where the uranium factories were placed. Practically, the Martians handed over the factory and Venus got away with murder, which is what they wanted in the first place. But now, the sub-particle accelerator is broken and no one is here to fix it, so here I float in outer space with my dog “Squintios the Third” waiting for someone to walk by and notice the power switch at Mars has been accidentally switched off. Since Mars’ government is now defunct and the grid-matrix is down, this could take a couple thousand years.

Since there’s no aging here, and since most weapons don’t work here, I guess I’ll have to find the last remaining axe and chop my head off. At least Squintios the Third will get a decent meal for once in his life, too bad he will have to be shot at the next stop. I hope they see him grinning with part of my intestine hanging out of his mouth, that would be a shocker.

With fingers like those,

you could pick some deep boogers. And although I am not the first person to use “boogers” in as blog, I am sure I will be the first to reference the skill of guitar playing to booger picking. You see, whoever has the mad skills at guitar playing should be able to pick some really good boogers.

Now, for all those I just grossed out, or those who wonder if a strange metaphor is hidden within the preceding paragraph, pay heed: Jerry C, a cleverly ingenious guitar player, is very good at his guitar. So I just wonder if he could pick boogers real well. No silly metaphor or anything, just wondering.

Apparently, nose picking is considered a psychological oddity, or rather, those who pick their noses at regular intervals are seen as having psychological problems. Not that I put any stock in psychology, but if it’s true, maybe guitar players with really skilled fingers will give birth to children with really skilled fingers who will develop strong desires to pick their noses. Maybe, just maybe, someone who cares about their children will forcefully repress their desire to pick boogers. FORCE YOUR CHILDREN!!!

In all seriousness, I vote to forcefully remove the television from children, video games and television are a number one concern for me. That is, children who are in a state of development should not be exposed to artificial realities like television and video games. Go outside and explore the world, climb a tree and see the world. See the world! Go look at the thousands of things within your own neighborhood, go watch the birds fly, go see how flies can fly.

Join with me today, say with me: Kill The TV!

I met a ‘vampire’ and stuff

A couple days ago I was borrowing my roommates video camera, a nice little thing, and I went to downtown, snuck up some parking tower to the top (fourth) floor and recorded some traffic. Then I went to the Old Market area to record “life”, I got some good clips of people walking in crowds, some horse carriage shots, and some other stuff. Here’s where the fun starts:

This kid walks up and immediately starts talking to me (I am going to try to get a written transcript or audio) about some random stuff, chairs, goth kids and whatnot. He has this big cloak on and is dressed all Renaissance style, and I am thinking to myself: This man is really strange, but I like strange people. So we talk about preppy dressed people, we talk about goth kids hanging out downtown, and then he mentions something about his soul being 78,000 years old. Yep. You got that right, seventy eight thousand years old.

Of course he says stuff about hypnosis, past life regressions, and so on. I thought this would be a fun conversation, so I recorded it, with his knowledge of course. So some of my favorite highlights were when he told me that he was now a vampire, he adapted so apparently he doesn’t have to drink blood, but he wants to anyway. He knows the master/prince of Omaha who gave him his dirty thoughts, he also knows of the prince of St. Louis who “owns strip clubs and stuff” and plays role-playing games as a vampire.

Anyway, I will get those transcripts or audio on here real soon so you can all laugh with me.

—–The Sane One