A Soliloquy on Beards

Readers, I beg your attention for one moment, while I soliloquize loquacious on this finest of topics.

For has their ever been a more apt sign of manliness than this hairy friend? A man may be brawny and wise, but without these gifts of nature a man may still only be seen as a boy. These filaments grown on ones face are the very strings that become figurative ropes, pulling a boy from his last vestiges of immaturity and forcing him into the world of the adult.

The beard has, it could be said, numberless uses, but there are a few which stand the test of time, and these few which all men do enjoy. For what bearded man has not enjoyed the subtle pleasure of gently pulling at his hairs while thinking upon some difficult subject? Or what man with a curled mustache has not spent total countless hours twirling those finely crafted gifts of nature?

And what greater natural respite from the bitter gale of cold winter winds has a man known than a thick beard? If he were to consider his beard as paltry, let him but lay a razor to those same hairs which now protect him and the biting cold of winter will show him the folly of his ways.

But to me, my dear reader, I hold one enjoyment above all others.

As I spend time outside in the winter air, my breath alights on my beard, condensing and freezing to tiny droplets of ice. These crystals growing on my face remind me in a compelling way of my manhood, and of the Creators divine gift of the beard.

Frosted beard, a manly experience.

Winter Plans

Hello everyone, in keeping with my public planning mood, I thought I would write up my plans for the winter break. The summers plans were a little too much, but I think this one I planned out about right. (Not in order of importance)

  • Finish WordPress “Sermon Posts” plugin and make project public
  • Finish WordPress Product Management plugin
  • Some work for my church, mostly moving the sermons over to the new plugin
  • I have a couple web clients to finish work for, and a few to propose working for
  • I bought a trailer in preparation for moving this summer, so I need to move all my junk lying around in the house into the trailer, which also needs a few repairs
  • Belated fall cleaning of the house
  • Quite a few clothes need mending, thankfully I am good with a needle and thread
  • Get some quality time in on my cello
  • Get some consistent quality time in on my Chinese language (中文) practice
  • Lots of planning to do for next year: Class schedule, daily schedule, fitness/health/workout, meal planning, relationships, spiritual, reading, etcetera.
  • I also plan to get back on the Religious Politic blog
  • Spend some quality time with William, maybe do a little jam session
  • Head out to Colorado to visit some friends

Some of this stuff is already pretty much done, thankfully.

Concerning the Internet

My friends: It comes to my attention that the Department of Homeland Security has begun shutting down websites based on whether they believe they can get away with it.

The situation is complex, but absolutely critical. Essentially the decision that stands before us is whether or not the internet should be directly controlled by the government, thereby regulating the freedom of press. Such a statement is certainly simplification, but in my study of the issue, I am certain this simplification is an accurate one.

My aim is not a political one, I don’t speak as a Republican, a Democrat, a Conservative, a Liberal, an Anarchist, or any other type. I only speak this as a warning to those who cherish free speech: If this movement by the Homeland Security is not both stopped and overthrown, it will signify the final loss of freedom of press in America, and I do not feel that I am exaggerating in the least.

I have yet to find a way to combat this egregious violation by the HSA, but letters and emails and phone calls to your representative are always something useful, even if they provide little result.

For freedom.

A turmoil of emotions

Sunday night when I got home I watched a movie I had been holding in que. The movie is called “Secret”, or “不能说的秘密” in Chinese, the language it was originally released in. (Amazon, IMDB, Wikipedia, Rotten Tomatoes.) I had seen a music video on YouTube called “Dandelion’s Promise”, and the story in the lyrics was personally very moving. You can view the music video here, but I don’t know that it will be as moving to you.

I don’t want to talk much about the movie because I feel that if I talk about it too much you’ll think too highly of it. Don’t get me wrong: It was a great movie. A romance with a twist, and a beautiful ending. But I just doubt that it will provoke such a strong response in most people. I don’t know, try it and see I guess.

What I really wanted to say is that after I watched this movie, I sat there for about an hour in silence and then I wept. I honestly do not think I am exaggerating when I say that I have never cried so hard in my life. For a good hour I wept and a deep sorrow covered my heart.

Friends, let me tell you why this grown man of twenty-seven wept so openly and sorrowed so deeply. There are two reasons, and they are both extremely personal.

The first reason is largely sentimental, and I could simplify by saying that the love portrayed in this story brought up memories of my own experience of love, and reminded me of the pain of letting go. I know it sounds cheesy, but sometimes the only way to describe emotions is with cheesy sounding phrases. That night I wept out of pain, and that sorrow was perhaps that much more bitter because I had tasted a small portion of that intimacy.

The second reason, and the one that hit me harder the more I thought about it, was simply this: I am so far from being the man I desired to be. My struggles with pride, with self-control, with the lust of the flesh—all of these battles I had hoped would be much farther, yet I still succumb to the same temptation that I have in the past. But even more, I had wanted to be a man who loved God and loved others with all I have.

And I don’t.

Perhaps you’ll give me some reason why I shouldn’t feel so down. Give me some assurance of something.

I know, I know. Intellectually I know, and in my heart I know. But something about this movie made me feel something in my deepest of emotions that I haven’t felt for a long time.

Sometimes I talk to people about movies that make them cry, but no one ever seems willing to say exactly why the movie made them cry. Well, I left a lot of the details out, but this was my best attempt. To be honest, I’m still processing this movie, I cry every time I think much about it.

An Incredible Loss

I will never forget.

The words are common now, almost enough to be a cliche, but they mark a sentiment which runs deep in America.

The loss of the human lives wasn’t the only thing that gripped at the hearts of people worldwide, it was the suddenness and closeness of the attack. Certainly the number of people inside the buildings was a large part of the emotional response, but I think it was the incredulity that such a thing could even occur.

Forever burned in the minds of every American who saw: The buildings falling, the people jumping, the dust, the sweat. Heroes everywhere helping the fallen, searching for the lost.

And then…

It was nothing sudden, a slow change over the years. A people overtaken by a battle against an enemy with no name.

Remember our troops.

God bless America.

Land of the free, because of the brave.

Complex arguments simplified to fit on bumper stickers.

Lengthy thoughts on war and freedom and difficult subjects which have filled many books, all of it discarded and set aside. Scholars who have studied these ideas, warriors who have lived out these philosophies, all their words and ideas were put aside and a loud clamor filled the air.

Pictures of war fill the television screens, and videos of war fill the internet. Everyone voicing their opinions and thoughts, but no one looking behind the curtain of ignorance.

People say “Never Forget” and point to the loss of life.

People say “Remember our troops” and point to this one event, September 11th.

Many years from now people will look back and remember September 11th, not for the loss of lives, but for the response that followed. Confusion and fear outweighed the desire for freedom from oppression and we passed laws to let government creep into our daily lives.

We let the government listen to our phone calls so we could have a little peace of mind. We accepted the personal searches at airports so we could fly in safety. We let police search our homes without serious cause so we could be assured our neighbors weren’t going to kill us.

No law was passed and no significant change was made, but now, nine years later, we accept government intrusion and control. Most people are even ignorant of why this loss is a bad thing.

September 11th, 2001: I will never forget.

On that day I didn’t see two towers fall, I saw my freedom and my liberty finally collapse.

A Familiar Face

School started again today, at the University, and in one of my classes is a man that I met last year. Actually, there are many people in each class that I know from last year.

When I saw all these people who I hadn’t seen for a few months, my heart was lifted and I was happy. I found joy in seeing again these friends, and even in seeing these people who I barely know.

There are friends I have who I considered very close, and although we have been apart quite some time and still hold them in high regard. How much more will my heart be lifted, when I am able to see these friends face to face? And how much more when, on that final day, I see the closest friend face to face?

Joy unspeakable.

Thinking of Computer Icons

Windows 3.1 Control Panel

 

The development of computer interface icons has traditionally followed the office metaphor—icons were designed to look like the analogous office object. (See this link for a graphical example.) Collections of objects were put into containers, similar to how papers were grouped into folders, so we made folder icons. Data organization in general has followed the office metaphor since the first GUI desktop.

Music and video files are also stored in containers called folders, but the analogy is not as descriptive. Mix tapes and VHS tapes were never stored inside manila folders, so a more accurate metaphor may have been a bookshelf container. Fundamentally, how data is physically stored on hard drives does not mimic folder structure, with large files being fragmented across large physical areas of discs.

Although the folder metaphor may not be perfect, it has been successful largely because the hierarchical organization of data is something the human mind naturally understands. I have a music container, a picture container, a container for my books and writings, and so on. Within those containers I have smaller containers, with my documents container being divided into a dozen or more sub-containers.

In real life the same structure is made, with silverware in a kitchen drawer which is further organized into compartments for forks, knives, and spoons. Bookshelves are usually sorted alphabetically or by category. This tendency to use hierarchical structure seems to be part of human nature.

But as data is increasingly stored and synchronized across multiple locations, and as applications become better at helping us organize our data, there has been a shift from folder organization to an application based system. People use Picasa for managing their pictures, or iTunes for managing their music, and don’t even navigate folders anymore. New synchronization protocols, like the Zune wireless sharing system, are making it unnecessary to navigate to folders even when sharing or moving data.

While I spend a good amount of time keeping my folders of music organized and carefully sorted, my friend organizes his music by dragging it into iTunes. I appreciate consistent and strict folder structure, as does he, but since he only looks at his music collection through iTunes, he doesn’t care about the folder structure of his music.

This shift from strict folder organization has allowed for another method: Tags. You can organize your music collection from genre to artist name with a single click, and it doesn’t matter what the underlying folder structure is. Using tags instead of folders made my email organization much easier: I didn’t need to decide if a letter was work or administrative related, now I give the email both tags and find it later using either one.

Doing web design work has taught me much about databases, which do should not use the strict hierarchical organization method, but instead use extra tables as “go betweens” to match lists of data with other lists of data. This method is yet another way of organizing data, and can be incredibly efficient when compared to other methods.

The hierarchical visualization of data is how we see data naturally, and it’s why good visualizations on subjects can cause breakthroughs of understanding. The recent change from analog to digital opens up new and exciting organizational visualizations, making single structures no longer required.

In fact, strict folder organization is something that I am glad to see leave. That way I won’t need to decide if Yo-Yo Ma playing some Bach cello solos should be in the “Bach” folder or the “Yo-Yo Ma” folder.

The aftermath

Was it really that hard to let go?

That is enough of that, I guess. The funeral is over, I wasn’t able to visit with many friends. Maybe next week at the wedding we can meet over happier circumstances.

I know so many women who are in bad situations, or who have emotional damage, and I want to help them. I want to help guys as well, but since they lock away their emotions I just can’t see them as well.

I have been driving in this heat for too long, and no air cooling has made me super sweaty and exhausted.

Church tomorrow!

Sitting here quietly

Today I drove up from my house to North Platte to go to a friends funeral in the morning.

I heard about the death through Facebook which, I must say, is not the greatest of ways to hear that a friend died. Of course, there’s probably no good way to give the news.

For some reason I am having a hard time convincing myself that this is real. I’m still not sure what to think. Or how to feel.

Many of my friends have died, so in a way I’m used to it. But am I emotionless because I’ve been hardened by exposure? No, that’s not it at all. Death still affects me very strongly, in a deep emotional way.

The last funeral I remember was for a friend’s wife who I never really knew, and, to be completely honest, I hadn’t seen the guy in so many years I mistook him for his older brother. That was embarrassing. I went to that funeral sort of as a show of support, and also because the news really hit me hard. It’s been a long time since I’ve wept such tears. Why did that death affect me so much?

Those without faith might say that the sorrow is that of separation, that I am in sorrow because I’ll never see the person again. But what of those of the faith? We know that, if a person has been justified, we will see them again.

So on the one hand I could say something ultra-spiritual like “I am not weeping because I know I’ll see this person again.” But that’s not why.

I guess it’s just because I don’t really think it’s real. Intellectually I “know” it to be true: I’ve heard the news from multiple people. But inside I guess…